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Feertti:
Mike and Joan were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am."

The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
 

The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up."
 

Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests

Feertti:
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

 

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

 

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

Feertti:
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, ?Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland??

One of them snarled at me, ?It?s Wales, dumbo!?

So I corrected myself, ?Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland??

That?s about as far as I remember.

Feertti:
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband standing around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

Feertti:
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young attractive idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'

'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'

'1955, ma'am.'

'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'


The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'

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